Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
