Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
