My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
