so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
